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Haven't posted in a couple years, not sure if I'm going to continue or if I'll find an easier medium.  Just finished an 8 month deployment, got to fly off a few days early so in exchange I've got duty for a couple days, then I'm off on leave until the 9th.


I finally have a room here on base with internet, so I can post much more frequently.
Engineering school continues, neither good nor bad, I'm still in the running for top grad and advancement.
Haven't been doing too much interesting, although Tom and I had a good day in Chicago last weekend, checked out Chinatown and Shedd Aquarium.  Mid-month we're planning on getting a hotel room in downtown and check out a few more museums (all free for military) and trying a restaraunt called Russian Tea Time.  I got the idea because I'm trying to learn russian on my own because
1. I need a foreign language to the 202-level to obtain a degree that'll get me into grad school and
2. Russian is on the Strategic Language List, and thus pays a hefty bonus depending on my level of expertise.
It's been fun so far, the part I thought would be hardest is the cyrillic alphabet, however that only took me a couple days for decent mastery.  Now I keep accidentally writing И instead of N and writing a lot of my lower case letters in small capitals mixed with normal lower case.
Чйкаго = Chicago!  Yay me!  That's how I learned the whole thing, just taking proper nouns and spelling them out phoneticaly in русский (Russian).
I'm also trying to change my rate from Machinist's Mate to Engineman, a nearly impossible talk, we'll see how that goes.  It would present many more opportunities for me, plus MMs are on hold for months here waiting for orders.  That's all for now, до свидания.

Updates, updates, updates

So, after two weeks of school I'm almosted completed with module 2 of 8.  Plenty of delays.  I was ahead of the game, now I'm just par after spending two days Sick in Quarters (SIQ) with some horrible upper respiratory infection making its rounds through the base.  We actually had a snow day, in the military!  Once I complete module two I'll be done with this horror that is night school, and I'll be able to move out of the USS Enterprise and back to the USS Essex.  I'll finish labs tonight (fun) and then take my test Monday, or at least that's the plan.  When I get back to the Essex I finally get my own internet connection.  Horray!

Brandy and Scott will be here in four days, and I want to be done with night school by then because I just got phase III liberty granted today!  That means overnight liberty and no more liberty musters.  Not that many people actually make phase III, I don't know why, all thats required is to do what you're supposed to.  No more rushing to get back from the bar on the weekends to make it in before 2145 or 2345.  I can stay til close :)

I may also be able to complete an associate's degree before I leave here entirely through CLEP tests.  Now *that* is exciting.

My laptop is proudly (and nicely) running Ubuntu now, too.  Not completely, but I got the multi-boot going on.  Everyone around here asks me WTF is wrong with my windows.  Oh, for my fellow geeks, the HP dv6780se at Best Buy is a phenominal purchase for $999.  1.67 Intel Duo, 3GB, 250GB, 8xDLDVDRW, and the best part of all, 256MB nv 8400GS.  No bluetooth though and the spare internal minipci slot is blanked out so you wont be able to add the internal.  That's the only drawback I've found though.  Very unique coloring.

Finally the biggest news of all, my wife and I are taking guardianship of a wonderful 14-year old with a tough past to join in this blue and gold adventure.  Welcome to the family, Sarah.


I hate this place. In my "ship" (BEQ, bachelor enlisted quarters) the USS Essex, about to get phase 2, nice and comfortable with my non-shitbag roomates and poof! Moved to the USS Enterprise for night school, a terrible world filled with shithead teenagers and a former RDC (Recruit Division Commanders) as staff. I've spent the last week and a half trying to get my phase 2 in this place, and yet I was about to get it on the Essex the day I left. For me, that means no civilian clothes on liberty and no drinking still. I should be finally able to get it NEXT weekend. Meanwhile I endure hell. On a better note, I am doing well in school. I'm almost done with MOD1 of my engineering school, that's 1/8th done and in only 4 days of work. I didn't get much done yesterday because I was in a pissy mood, but I'm going to finish it today for sure. Hopefully, 1st done in class, although I'm making sure I learn the material and take good notes as well. The end-of-mod test scores are everything, and I found out being "top grad" WILL transform me from MMFR to MM3, (E-1 to E-4) a very very significant change, being able to start my career as a Machinist's Mate 3rd Class, a Petty Officer, in a leadership role. Wish me luck, providing for my family is the whole point of this endeavor and that promotion would sure accomplish the task. I get my laptop tomorrow morning, all paid for and sitting at Best Buy right now, waiting for me to go pick it up. The Ghettoprise has no internet, but once I'm done with night school I can move back to a ship that does. Fuck this place, I'm better than these assholes and I'm better than this bullshit. To be honest, I wouldn't be able to do it without the support of my wife and shipmates, Tom and Andy. Hoo-yah.

Goodbye Jim...

...hello Seaman Recruit Crossman, who completed boot camp at Recruit Training Command, Great Lakes, IL!  After an interesting 8 weeks, I'm done, completed, graduated, and officially a United States Sailor.  "Interesting" is the best description for it.  It both failed and exceeded my expectations.  Much less PT than I expected and what I might even classify as overfeeding, I think overall I may have just gained weight.  I think for me, it was a change in how I percieve myself, my capabilities, and who I define myself as.  I never would have thought three months ago I'd be able to do the things I've learned.  I performed as a flag in graduations in a special marching division.  I'm now a basically trained firefighter.  I can rig mooring lines to bring a ship in to port or get it underway.  The dissapointing parts?  Pain-in the ass busywork that never felt like it would end. Reveille sometime between 0400 and 0600, taps at 2200, everything inbetween done in the most difficult and lengthy manner possible, and having to put up with a bunch of jackass 18-year-olds throughout the whole thing.

In a week or two I'll get two weeks of leave to come home and see all my friends, drink, play video games, and most importantly: relax and enjoy the company of my great family who's been so supportive through all of this.  More later!


Finally, an update

Long time since I've posted everything, or anything, but reasonably so. Life moves quickly, and I just haven't kept up with myspace or LJ. Here's a synopsis:

1. Early July: My wife and I have returned to a conventional marriage.
2. Mid July: I began the process of inquiring about an application in to the United States Navy
3. Early August: My work is firing everyone. I feel sorry for those who think Karyn Potter has any integrity and fail to listen to those like myself who were dropped from MCI through her treachery with no opportunity to plan their pending unemployment. She says everything might be fine and they'll find another project. 250 people will lose their jobs by next saturday. My work is losing the Dell contract due to Dell, not for fault, but management is still lying to everyone about the future.
4. August 22nd, 2007: I, James Harold Crossman, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

That about sums it up.

Victory is Mine

I win!  No GERD.  Clean bill of digestive health.  Ironically, the radiology technnician was a formerly rejeced Navy applicant once upon a time, and the Dr himself was a former medical officer.  From the conversation we had, he said the medical rejection reason was the most absurd thing he'd ever heard of, and under no uncertain terms that he was going to take care of me no matter what the upper GI series said :) I passed legitimately though, I genuinely don't have GERD.  So that's it, my path in to the Navy is finally clear.  Tomorrow I get a hold of my Dr. and get my medical certification from him, and then either Friday or Monday I can take the Oath of Enlistment.

One Down...

And two more appointments to go.  Everything is falling in to place perfectly.  I started calling around doctors on Monday to see who was available to take me the soonest, managed to get the appointment I went to today, a one-day wait!  It gets better: after my appointment this morning I went home with the order for the Upper GI, called the place, and got an appointment for tomorrow morning, no wait at all.  So, as soon as I get the results in from the upper GI series (and provided they are passing), my doctor will certify that I do not have GERD and am otherwise fit for military duty.

What's dissappointing, though, is that I wish they'd just told me to go see a private doctor tuesday morning and saved some hassles throughout the day.  Regardless, they worked admirably to get the waiver through as it stood, bringing in everyone from my recruiter to the Command Master Chief of MEPS-Phoenix.  Now finally their hard work will pay off.  My wife is excited, my family is excited and finally supportive, and I'm so eager and excited that I'm giddy.  It just may really happen!  More to come...

...time for cake and sodomy...

I got to pull a crazed meth-addict off fo my wife Saturday.  How did your weekend go?  Don't worry, I wasn't on the bad side of this cop encounter.  While out of town, my wife and I went to go see a movie in Pinetop, then we stopped into a Safeway on our way back to Heber to get some Starbucks inside.  On our way through the parking lot, this black Bronco almost ran us over in the parking lot and my wife said "watch where you're going", the lady responded something and called her "fattie".  Anyways, we went inside, got our coffee, didn't think anything of it.  After we got our drinks we continued on into the store and here the lady comes toting a bag of ice and a shopping bag and said "you need to learn some manners little girl".  We ignored her, and then she clocked Brandy with a bag of f*n ice!  They immediately locked on to each other, Brandy smashed her drink into the side of the woman's face.  Brandy was trying to rip her nappy hair out, she was clawing the back of Brandy's neck and wailing on her face.  I came up from behind and simultaneously put her into a headlock and pinned her left arm back.  A bystander pulled Brandy away and I pushed my knee into the back of hers bringing her to the ground softly.  After about a minute I tightened my grip and asked her if she's going to do anything further if I released her.  The headlock was of the "sleeper hold" variety so she nodded yes and was quite cooperative, probably because she was about a minute from going nighty night.  I let her go and she stumbled out of the store.  I wasn't worried about restraining her til the cops arrived because for one, I don't have the right  to detain someone and two, this all happened in front of several dozen witnesses and it's a small town.  The cops were able to get all the info they need about the lady from the witnesses (30+) and the Show-Low PD as well as the Navajo County Sherrif's department is on the lookout for the vehicle (as well as the woman).

Who the hell does that?  I still can't believe it all happened.  Brandy's got some minor bruising on her face and the back of her head and some scratches on the back of her neck from Ms. Meth's nails.  No concussion.  I just got some claw marks on my arm where the crazy b*ch broke the skin (which I promptly disinfected).  Unfortunately, she probably doesn't have a mark on her.  I restrained myself from doing a LOT more to this woman, luckily my kid wasn't there.  When the police catch her she's going down for assault, battery, and disorderly conduct.  What's amazing to me, though, is that everyone in the store just stood there except for that one woman who took Brandy away from the scene.  She also managed to get the phone number of the "for sale" sign on the back of the bronco and call 911, all before the series of events finished.  Everyone else just watched it all play out.

Personal Hell

It all began last Thursday.  I woke up at 0600 to be at the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS): I had a date with the ASVAB.  My previous testing in 2000 left me with a score of 98, an excellent score since the highest possible percentile is 99.  I began testing at 7, finished at 8 two hours early and again scored a 98.  Excellent, so I went back to the recruiters and filled out paperwork for the next five hours.  All set, next stop: the physical.

Sunday I got up at around 1100 and went to work, and got off at midnight.  Got home around 0145 after buying some rockstar for the coming day.  0500, the fun began.  The Petty Officer picked me up at 0515, and we treked off to downtown Phoenix to MEPS again.  This time I turned left for the medical and began my next long day.  While sitting down and filling out the medical disclosure form, I listed that I had recently taken protonix, a prescription antacid.  Later that morning when sitting with the Dr, he asked what Protonix was and I said heartburn.  He wrote down GERD (gastro-esophagal reflux disease).  Oops.  Seems that is permanently disqualifying.  I also mentioned that I had a kidney stone in 2002.  Oops again.  The Dr filled out a "pink slip" for the waiver for kidney stones with the box checked as "waiver recommended" and sent me on my way - to work, where I sat again until 0000 and to bed around 2.

So the next day  Petty Officer C. picked me up again, this time at 0600, and we headed back to MEPS to get the order for a KUV abdominal X-ray to check for additional kidney stones.  We were back at MEPS at 9 after completing this - no stones found.  Great!  I thought it was all done with.  Nope.  Next they submitted my now-large file to the chiefs downstairs and began my *real* processing.

Waiver Denied

WTF, you can't join the military if you have heartburn???  So we waited, and waited, and they involved nearly the entire chain of command at MEPS to try and get this through.  I made a total of six handwritten statements about why I used Protonix, how I got Protonix, how the word GERD came to be in my file, and my current health.  Still denied.  I finally got home around 1930, tired as hell from my trials at MEPS and happy to see my son I hadn't seen awake since Sunday.  Skipped the remainder of work because I was way too god damn tired, went to Wal-Mart and bought some Hornsby's and went to bed at midnight.

So that's been my week.  I was HOPING to have the grand announcement that I was now a member of the united States Navy.  Oh well, not yet.  In order to join now, I need to go see my own physician and get an Upper GI ordered showing that I do *not* have GERD, and then I'm set, GERD being the only remaining roadblock.



The big news'll have to wait until tomrrow.  Just you wait :)

Big update coming

Huge, life-changing, planned for almost a decade but yet at the same time, unexpected by all.  Monday it all changes.

I made this!


is extremely effective! I've got all my piercings out and am wearing a nice tucked-in shirt and my hair is "normal". Everyone thinks I was on an interview and actually yelling "oh my god, he's got a collared shirt on." "Did you go to an Interview?" "Yea, he's got his piercings out, it's an interview" "He's even got his hair done!"... but I was just doing some hunting and never actually got to show my polished self anywhere. Not yet anyways :) I'm amazed that within 5 seconds of walking into the building, a dozen people noticed. I'm going to miss this place, lot of friends here.

(no subject)


Today sucks. First I got up and drove Brandy to get my car which I hope she didn't leave at our house. Then I played Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Then, I left for work and went to QuikTrip on the way and bought cigarettes, a fountain drink (Mountain Dew and a dash of cherry syrup) and a 3.875oz bag of Habanero Doritos. Then I went to work, logged into the phone, and ruined my day. On my first break I called Brandy, twice. On my lunch I decided to try out the 3-items-for-two-dollars at AM/PM, from their hot food selection. I had a jalapeno-cheese-corn-dog, a hot dog, and a cheeseburger. I think the cheeseburger was made with the teeth of poor north-korean children, because there were several hard things in it. Overall, I think the meal is going to cause me to spend a great deal of time on the toilet. I also called Brandy twice. I then got told by my boss "We will discuss conditions of employment very soon." I took my second break early and smoked, threw my phone which survived. I did not call Brandy. Now I am going home from work.


Hitchhiker's Guide to the Internets

Stolen from _paegan_

1. Go into the archives of your LJ.
2. Find your 42nd entry ever. Yes, this may require some counting and basic math. You can do it.
3. Link to that entry in a new entry. This is the meaning of your life.

The answer to life, the universe, and everything is:

No money, puking, illness, drinking, absinthe, Denny's, and charity. Sounds about right.

Badgers - More than Meets the Eye

Stolen from Weelbs Stuff

Thanks, Mindy

This is what happens when my sister and brother-in-law get bored babysitting, I guess.  Then they let us watch their 2-year old and 11-year-old daughters.  Revenge suggestions?

Yes, this is my SON, Scott.  I'm going to kill them, but I thought I'd share this humorous pic anyways.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Spent 12:00 frantically searching for a gas station in Scottsdale, but then I got to spend 12:40 and beyond with my wife and some friends, and tonight (Saturday, that is), I'll be at Anderson's for my birthday!  It'd be awesome to see some of you tonight.  Yay me!

Random picture of Scott


...is not an illness I usually suffer from.  Before I went out tonight, dreamlessvisiontold me there was a baby tarantula in our house, she sprayed it with hairspray and put under a bowl, under a trashcan, and put a phone book on top of the trash can :)  When I finally got home, I was amazed.  No, it was not a baby tarantula:

It was in fact something far far more interesting, and also not native to Arizona...a species of ant-mimicing spider:

I was astounded trying to figure out WTF this thing was.  I'm not afraid of spiders, formerly running a fish/reptile/weirdo department at an eccentric PetCo (tarantulas, scorpions, centipedes, custom other invertebrates), but this was beyond me, I'd never seen one!  Mandibles, two eyes, eight legs but uses six, and has the appearance of having a head, thorax, and gaster; a typical spider is missing the thorax.  The front legs are even super long to flex around and appear as antennae and simultaneously appear as the two-jointed legs fore and aft on an ant, the rear legs are the same (but without the antenna mimic but still two-jointed).  It eats ants, probably why I spend a long time in the back yard and haven't seen an ant over 2mm ever, so I'm guessing he's not alone.


New MacBooks are bogus. Sorry, but I've really thought about this a lot and come to a conclusion. After some discussion with forge last night I thought it over in detail throughout the evening. Now keep in mind I'm not talking about the MacBook Pro, but the plain MacBook itself. To make sure we're not just skimming over the details, let's start with the black MacBook and load the crap out of it, every integratable hardware option, what do we get?


So I tried out "the great" Sadisco.  Meh.  I like the $1 PBRs, the place was tiny, too bright inside, hot as fuck, no paper in the bathroom.  Neat, but not significantly better than other clubs, inferior to Tranz IMO, better than Anderson's, but not $10 better.  I lost the ball to my brand new labret jewlry (got it 3 hours beforehand), pissed me off.  Some chick helped me find the jewlry itself but the ball was never found, I didn't even know the ball came off since the installation doesn't require it to.  I think I got a little too tossed to "meet people" and scared one off I think, that shit sneaks up on you:  two martinis at Anderson's followed by 5 PBRs at S* worked very well.  Also lost my breath strips, and I imagine olive juice, gin, and megacheap beer made my mouth smell like a diaper.  Only saw three people I know, and I'm pretty convinced now that I dance like a fucking retard (and did so for three hours).  Fun, though.

Think I'll try out that mid-week thing at Homme instead of Tranz this week, do lots of people show up to that?  Any better chance of seeing people I know?  I'd like to meet the "new scene", all these people that popped up since I was last active, but it's hard without introduction.  I actually like the side room at Anderson's better, know all the regulars there now and am quite comfortable dancing there.  We'll see...




One of you DJ people need to remix www.badgerbadgerbadger.com into a kick ass dancy industrial masterpiece.  That is all.


So as of a couple weeks ago I had three "points" on my attendance record at work.  A call-out is one point, a tardy or leave-early (besides when it's offered) are 0.5 points.  Three is fine.  Last week I get in late and then have to take the next two days off for illness, the two together count as 1, so I should be at 4.5.  Nope, he digs up a bunch of other shit that my old supervisor didn't care about, and I'm at 6.  6 is final written the first time you hit it, or insta-term the second time you hit it.

I logged into the phone at 3:01 because i was reading through his emails today instead of 3:00 and he's on my ass, I think he's about to fire me.  I need to find a new job NOW and avoid the bullet if it is indeed coming.  Suggestions.

Only "the herd" enjoys sex!

Stolen from forge
So, phoenixdown, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 2% unique (blame, for example, your interest in brewskie's) and 13% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy sex). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.

Your overall weirdness is: 26

(The average level of weirdness is: 27.
You are weirder than 59% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

New Clothes!

I got a new pair of pants and two new shirts.  It's fantastic buying new clothes because my older things are too large.  It's so neat to try on 36" pants that fall off me and 34" pants that require a belt.  Too bad I didn't have more stylish clothes from my teenage years that survived this long.  New boots coming soon, too, but it needs to be something I'm flexible and light enough in to dance without giving myself a heart attack.  I think maybe 5-10 lbs more fat down and I'll have no gut and no moobs whatsoever.

Bored bored bored boredboredboredbored

You people never post.  Word.

Journal Slow?

I haven't mentioned anything about this in MY journal but now it's pissing me off.
Ok, so a bunch of people who like kiddie porn get their journals banned.  Horray, fuck em.  This hadn't concerned me until now, as these kid-raping morons have begun attacking LJ with distributed-denial-of-service attacks and keep causing interruptions in LJ's service.  LJ's confirmed that's the cause.  I live on LJ every second I'm at work.  I pay for my account.  Just because you enjoy the thought of a pacifier getting in the way of a blow-job doesn't mean that you get to interrupt my distraction from work, OR waste my money.  Die in a fire.


I guess I feel OK about everything, dealing with last night better than I thought I would, even though my moodiness states the contrary.  The moodiness may also be in-part because I got 4 hours of sleep.

I got my hour lunch back, Mike Hess re-fixed it.

The new Manson album blows so far, but I haven't really listened to it thoroughly.

Went to lunch for my mom's birthday and upon leaving I picked up Scott and his entire backside was covered in diarreah.  All over the inside of his shirt, got all over my hands and arms...how the fuck do you get poop on your shoulderblades???  That was thoroughly disgusting.


Gee this is going to be a long night.  I took my breaks and lunches earlier than I should have so I'm chained to the phone for the next several hours non-stop.  Brandy is going tonight to a certain someone's house, first time for this sort of thing in this new arrangement.  Back tonight, back tomorrow?  Not sure how to feel about it.  I imagine there are four parts to this series of emotions, how I feel now prior to anything, while she's out, and how I'll feel when she gets home, and how I'll feel about it after the initial.  If I think it's a long night now, I bet it's going to feel a hell of a lot longer later.  Not sure if I should pick Scott up on my way home or not, he's staynig at his aunt's.  My plans for the evening probably include sleeping pills, wine, and perhaps some porn and WoW.  All for now, I'm sure I'll have more to write later.

This Week

Isn't off to a great start either.  My brakes are totally completely trashed, sounds like I'm running a machine shop behind my wheels when I stop, this is going to be very expensive.  Woke up three minutes before my scheduled start time today.  Called in late.  Then got stuck in some goddamn traffic that took me to 40 minutes to get from 40th St. to 46th St.  40 minutes for 4/5ths of a mile.  Seriously.  Then I got to work and found out they re-fucked my schedule back to a 30-minute lunch so if it hadn't been for the traffic, I would have gotten to work on time anyways.  I still have yet to get written up for my attendance issues last/this week.

I'm going to do things differently this week.  No bars with co-workers Tuesday and Thursday.  No plans for the weekend but I might go out anyways for just one night.  I'm going to try quitting smoking again Monday.  Laying off the caffeine.  No more leaving work early.  Because I'll be saving so much time coming home on-time instead of staying out, I'm going to get up early, i.e. plug in my alarm clock that has been dormant since March.  Guess what I'm going to do with some of my reclaimed time?  Work out.  Eat well.  Cook dinners.  Pre-prep lunches.  Play with my kid.  Enjoy my guild.  I've spent a month now focusing on myself in the most self-destructive ways possible.  I'd like to get myself back to early March when I was quitting smoking, kicking ass at work, regulating my personal schedule well and eagerly working out.

Last Week

Last week was a complete waste.  First I worked an hour Sunday and left very early, took an hour off on Monday, Tuesday I left sick early by 5 hours and ended up staying home on Wednsday to take care some money matters and Thursday Brandy was sick and I stayed home and watch Scott.  Went out on Thursday with my co-workers and randomly got to see Charlz, someone I never expected to see someplace like Brewski's.  Funny because I saw him two weeks ago at Anderson's, hadn't seen him for years before that.

Friday I went to Tranz for the second time ever and also as my first outing on my own in 7 years.  Not to meet up with co-workers or anything pre-planned, just a guy out on the town.  Ironically, I ended up hanging out with co-workers from previous jobs.  Met no-one new.  I don't have the courage to randomly talk to women and frankly, I still think I look like a meaty nerd, afformed by the fact that no one talked to me.

Saturday I went to Anderson's.  I had fun, Brandy and her mom did not and they pulled me out of there at 12:30, I wasn't happy.  Overall, not a great week.

I'm Annoyed

This post assumes that everyone in the fucking world who might be interested in something like an endless supply of fresh organic produce lives within walking distance of ASU.


I don't LJ much on the weekend, I actually enjoy coming in to work on my Monday and catching up on days worth of posts on my friends list.  I saw V for Vendetta last night for the first time last night, I don't know how I missed it all along.  Great movie!  Doesn't even have anything to do with Natalie Portman :p I just really liked the show.  Yesterday did *not* go as planned, I wanted to come home and pop some pain killers and watch TV, we ended up going to my in-law's and having BBQ and swimming.  I guess it should be nothing to complain about, but I was nice and hung over from the night before and really didn't want to eat or be social or deal with any kids but my own.  I watched Pirates II for the second time this weekend and once again I got a little too tossed to remember most of it.  Damn we drank a lot.


I'm still drunk from last night.  I sincerely wish I could afford to go home early, it's being offered.  Dreamlessvision had her first date last night, then ended up with someone different coming home.  I had some mixed feelings about the date, but I drank them all away.  Last night is all a blur but it's coming into focus, I finally remember getting laid.  This weekend has been kind of neat.  Thursday I got to see an old friend _paegan_, picked her up and took her to Brewski's in Tempe for the thursday night thing with my co-workers.  Of course everyone thought the obvious - incorrectly, however she suddenly became very popular once we announced that we're not on a date.  My co-workers all want her to come back :)  Friday I finally got to go to Trans, it was neat.  The giant dance floor reminds me of the Nile.
Mid-post I just found out I get holiday pay for tomorrow, so I'm going to get out of here ASAP.  Waste of gas and a ton of money, but I just don't want to be here.  I need to take a dump.  I want to pop some pain killers with my wife and lounge around the house watching TV and movies and have fun.  I want to play with Scotty.  I want to play WoW.  Just waiting on the email so I can leave...

Wow, and I just found out I get an hour lunch and am 3PM-midnight instead of 3:30 with a 1/2 hour lunch!


Your Score: Sylar

You scored 33 Idealism, 62 Nonconformity, 79 Nerdiness

How can you stop what's coming... when you don't know anything about power?
Congratulation, you're Sylar, the artist formerly known as Gabriel Gray! You are a seriously nerdy person with an enormous desire to be different, and to be recognized for it. As long as you don't go eating brains, this doesn't have to be a bad thing at all. You're ambitious, intelligent, tenacious, and unique. Your best quality: Panache Your worst quality: An obsessive desire for recognition and power

Link: The Heroes Personality Test written by freedomdegrees on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test


I didn't get home until slightly after 7AM this morning.  Went to the bar with the co-workers, got to clear the way with an old friend I've known since 1998, talk to another friend about some issues he's having, went to Denny's afterwards, everything's good.  Then I head home and get a call from Dave.  Ben is stuck on the 51 at the Glendale off-ramp and knows I live nearby but didn't have my number.  So I pull off the freeway to write down Ben's number then find my way back on after some detours and finally get there.  He had allready called a tow truck company which gave him no ETA, so we decide to play around with the car for a while.  Neither of us are mechanics, we're computer techs.  Obviously it goes nowhere and we fix nothing, but we reseated everything we could inside that engine compartment that didn't require any tools :)  Once the sun came up we got to sit in the car all morning until finally a tow truck showed up around 6, we escorted it to a bank so Ben could get cash then escorted it to a repair place, then I drove ben home.  Tried to call Dave this morning so I could possibly come in late but didn't hear from him so I showed up to work on time anyways.

In other issues, we're still contemplating taking on a temporary roomate with some issues of his own and some complicated dynamics within the household.  Weird.  Complicated.  Everyone we know is telling us no for a whole variety of reasons ranging from personal hatred of the man to possible complications about the man's personal issues (and exposing them to our son) and finally, what about the relationship impact of this?  He seems to be a pretty unpopular person who's actually being kicked out of his home for being described as a jobless drunken bum.  I want to do the right thing for someone I've known for a long time, however I don't want that to be the wrong thing for every other aspect of my life.  On one hand I've got this enthusiasm about the unknown lately and am very curious to see where this is going, meanings, stories etc, but I don't want my son to be a victim of my screwed up new ideology.

I'm not crazy!

I knew it I knew it I knew it, my aforementioned theory is 100,000,000% correct and then some.  This would be the strangest shit in the world if I hadn't decided that my theory was correct and I wasn't crazy.
Don't get me wrong, the situation is totally insane, but you know that post I made earlier today about catalytic events and personal chain reactions where I asked if I was crazy at the end?  This is proof I'm totally sane, relatively speaking :)  More later.

Is it just me or is anyone else getting this vibe?

I've been thinking all morning about the topic of this chaotic year and the concept of "green" as  _paegan_presented it to me in 1999.  I don't know of anyone that I'm acquainted with on a personal level that hasn't had some kind of cataclysm this year.  It starts out like a series of dramatic, important events and gradually culminates into a picture with a much more significant meaning than any of the events themselves, catalyzing significant changes in people's lives and relationships.  It's like a chain reaction but with unrelated happenings, but yet everyone knows each other in some way or another and these particles keep crossing paths.  The events themselves are not directly connected, but the people are.  It seems that for a small cluster of people this year everything is being questioned, overturned, challenged, redefined, analyzed, or simply razed.  Some people's stories are merging or forming new connections, other stories are almost identical.  Everyone's "reconnecting with themselves" or returning to old ways, reuniting with old friends, revitalizing their lives, seriously redefining their goals, or having them redefined by others... from the posts of the few people on my short friends list, it is most definately not just me.

I'm trying to figure out what it is about this year.  If I were to go back to the past and explain to myself what was coming, I'd laugh in my own face.  Where is all this going, why is any of it happening?  Is the purpose of this year to challenge everything that has come to pass in the last 5 or so?

...or perhaps I missed the boat on this and now everyone thinks I'm out of my mind :)


Why the hell do I not ever see this coming.  Every single time I re-activate wow after a wow-sebatical, I do it on a fucking monday night when they shut the server down at 3AM until 11AM the next morning.  Totally oblivious, I log in, start to do my thing usually about 2AM each time, and then just as I'm getting excited I get the message SERVER SHUTDOWN IN 15:00.  I want to bite something.

My new face!

Taken at work with my phone, a very complicated process of emailing it to my Yahoo then emailing it to LJ...


Edit: Well the *new* item is the bridge, however the labret is new since the old userpic, too. Also different from the other pic are the two gigantic 2GA earrings you can't see. Funny, I wear earrings and my wife wears flesh tunnels.

Not Alone

I am so getting this book.


What a week.  I think I'm going to just take an extended leave of absence from life and someone can come get me when it's OK to come out of hiding.  I think I've had more than enough drama for a two month timespan.  I can't do more stress, I think it's killing me, literally.  A friend Ameet (a Dr.) told me last night that my esophagus problems will turn to cancer if I don't slow down.  No more smoking, drinking, caffeine, and bad foods.  This is dissapointing, as all I want to do right now is be completely out of control.

Two months ago I was "waiting for the other shoe to drop", got my "wish", and have ultimately had every single one of my fears realized and my dreams stomped on, all of them.  Every.  Single.  One.  Now as the prize for all of this, I get to be a bad guy, too.  I feel like a bastard for hurting someone I love.  At the same time I also feel like I'm being led by the nose through all of this since I didn't initiate any of these changes and they were all the ideas of another.  I don't think of myself as a bad person.  Here I am letting someone else re-define every single aspect of my life from the grand to the mundane, taking over the writing of my story from here out.  The terms I am offered are not "take it or leave it", they're simply "take it or leave".  These are the only terms I have been offered in any of this.  So why do I do it?  I do it for love, the only thing that could possibly allow my relationship to survive any of this.  I do it for fear, because I can't imagine the world any other way than what it should be.  I do it for hope, that this will work out and in the end, I'll have some kind of dream come true.

I consider myself an adaptive person, and without too much turmoil can find ways to adjust when a new reality is handed to me.  I redefine my dreams to something possible.  I find new desires and goals.  I try and adapt enough to survive a change and even find something about it I can enjoy.  These recent turns in the past few weeks...if only I could share my point of view and how emotional this has been.  It takes some fucking olympic-quality mental gymnastics to wrap your mind around all of this.  It takes a lot of pain to reach the point that I'm at, because I know I'm not supposed to be fine with the realities of this new arrangement.  I remember how much pain the mere thought caused me, let alone the very real physical reality...and that was only two months ago.  Everything is 180° from anything I could have imagined back then, and it's still spinning.  I guess if dreams were meant to be flawless executions of will, then they wouldn't be called dreams.

Seeing Red

So, first our neighbor came to the house shortly after we moved in and suggested that our dogs be quieter, she brought cake. Next, they left a note in our mailbox. Not mailed, just put it in our mailbox in their own. Last night, we found that they'd sprayed our dogs with a hose. Spraying a captive animal with a hose is a humane society issue, isn't it? Yea, we called the cops. Today they tried to be official too...poorly. In our mailbox today, we found another note. Actually, I remember seeing the asshole outside getting "his" mail as I left, I should've watched closer. Anyways, this note was supposedly from the HOA. No, not mailed, just a folded-in-half piece of paper. The header read "Untitled" and the footer read "Page 1". Hmm...notepad? The content was to sound official and cite HOA rules and city ordinances. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure the HOA knows better than to tamper with containers marked US Mail, and just might use something besides an unsaved notepad as an official warning notification. I am going to reply:

Not James and Brandy C, THIS IS THE HOA< RILLY!!!





There always seems to be a soundtrack to my life, doesn't matter what or where or when. Always a soundtrack. Not that the music dictates my emotions, but I instead find music to meet my emotion's challenges. A few weeks ago I found a song that made me sad, I'd cry whenever I read the inscription on my ring. Last week it was a different soundtrack in my head for a few. Brandy had a soundtrack for friday morning, even. This week it's completely new. I'd say I've had more of "life" in the last two months than I'd ever thought possible. Maybe it's been the last few years of sleeping through life? I guess that's called growing up, when things that seem immutable and unchallengeable show they are yet more aspects of humanity, as imperfect and vulnerable as the rest of the universe. And then I realize, why would anyone build a lifestyle that bets against that? Well, everyone has at some point. I used to think sacrafice was love, but that seems too far a simple statement to describe anything akin to what it really is. Are we stranger or just smarter? Did we lose, or did we find a better way to win, or just a different way, ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A START?

The world isn't rendered in black and white
Other shades lie between
Don't view the world with binary eyes
We are human, not machine

Edit: OMG, my god damn hosting account expired the day I made this. It'll be a while before I renew it.


So my Dr. guesses she's found the cause for the vomiting.  Advanced reflux.  I still find it hard to believe since A. in the same appointment she said that I need to find a new Dr. since they're not taking my insurancde anymore and B. because I don't have any freakin heartburn.  Then she explained the findings as a near precursor to Barrett's esophagus.  Makes a bit more sense I guess?  Basically, my gastroesophageal junction is busted.  It still doesnt explain everything though, like the mucus or why the food that comes up can be up to 2 days old and undigested, but whatever.

Might not even matter since the primary cause of this, stress, seems to be fixed.  Not to divulge a ton of detail on the matter, but Brandy and I have been through a ton over the past two months, and of the two obvious options society tells us we have, we chose a third alternative and we're both happy with it.  It feels like we just completed a puzzle with a million pieces and for once, they form a coherent picture we both like.  For the first time in two months there aren't any lingering feelings of guilt or pain or fear.  Guess I have to start going back to the gym again, though :)

Another Long Week

So, this whole thing is kinda weird.  I'm not sure where my new boundaries are at home.  Not sure if I'm supposed to just do my own thing and play quiet as if I were a roomate, or if I should actually be working harder than I was before to keep the remains of 7 years alive.  I'm not sure that if I ever regained it all, would it still be the same thing I wanted all along, or is that gone forever?

I don't know where I'm supposed to sleep, it feels.. odd just trying to lay there like everything's like it used to be, especially wondering about the unknown at the same time.  Should I wear pajamas? do my greetings and goodbyes change? am I out of place to ask questions? do I want to know answers? is it even any of my business?  I'm guessing yes, yes, yes, no, and no?  This is so hard.  How am I supposed to suddenly be a platonic friend after almost a decade?  The knowledge that what happens from here is beyond my control makes it worse.  I just want the "right answer" but honestly, I'm terrified of where this is going and I'm not sure if I'm still up for this kind of adventure after everything else that's happened.  I just don't know anymore... my confidence, optimism, and trust are gone.

I hate being right

See, the "awakened" me could smell this beforehand.  It goes to show, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're wrong.

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